A Mysterious Englishman takes the wrong turn, winds up in Balona, CA 95232. Is Mr. Simon Burberry an agent of MI-6? Is he pursued by assassins? Or is he only a stylish serial murderer?

ISBN 0-7414-0969-0 5.5 X 8.5 in., 178pp. Perfectbound: $13.95 Flesch Reading Ease: 78.1 Flesch-Kincaid Level: 5.1

Commander Simon Burberry (or is it Mr. Silas Blade?) must take mysterious green capsules to reduce the trembling that besets him at odd moments. He is a mystery-- handsome, suave, speaks with a noble accent, is a fine woodworker and fabricator of wonderful, if large, puzzleboxes, but he appears to have people on his trail. Will Joseph Oliver Kuhl and Cousin Zachary Burnross unmask the stranger as a criminal, or will they become allies of an innocent Mr. Burberry on a dangerous quest?

CLICK to hear Zack's favorite Limp Bizkit warning.

Here is a passage from The Burberry Style. (Not entirely teen humor.) Mr. Burberry, Joe, and Zack are discussing favorite movie stars. Mr. Burberry (the narrator here), perhaps worrying about his past, speaks first:

"I still like Annette Funicello, after all these years."
"Well, I like Fionnula Finnegan, whatever Patella says. And I like Laura Loopie, too, for example."
My heart freezes in my chest at the sound of the name. But I typically recover quickly. "Laura Loopie was indeed an older one." I show my teeth.
"You seen her pictures?"
"Oh, yes. All of them. She's my favorite of all times. In fact, more favored even than Annette Funicello."
"She's one of my favorites, Laura Loopie is. I'd like to meet her some day, even though she's old enough to be my great-grandma. You ever meet her?"
"Oh, yes, in my travels I believe I must have come across her at one time or other." It suddenly occurs to me that Laura's photo had been in my case and, if this young man had somehow found a way to open the case, he would be wondering about my story now. I smile warmly, secure my mustache by pressing it against my lip, crinkle my eyes in a friendly way. "I should confess that I am actually, to this day, smitten with Laura Loopie and that we, she and I, are in fact the warmest of friends as a result of my being one of her most ardent fans. We correspond regularly, have pet names for one another. She has even inscribed her photograph for me."
Zachary looks disappointed. "Yeh, well, I just thought I'd ask, since she's such a good looker."
"Yes, indeed. She is a splendid looker. I see her often. I find her appearance inspiring. Or I should say I used to see her rather often."
"You mean inspiring, considering her age."
"Yes. Her age. Yes, considering her condition, et cetera. Yes." It seems to me that I am talking too much. Such volubility is not a good thing, the Manual says. I resolve to shut my mouth or change the subject.

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The music for this page of BalonaBooks is "Take a Look Around" by the American group Limp Bizkit (2002)