Balona, CA 95232 of course is a fiction, born of author Jonathan Pearce's enthusiasm for the actual San Joaquin Delta country. The virtual Balona is a town of about 1,800 situated below occasionally leaking levees of the Yulumne River, a seasonally trickling or raging body of water that snakes around the town. Balona is at the very edge of the delta, about three miles east of the Interstate, nine miles south of Delta City, five miles from Chaud County Airport.
   Balona is governed by a mayor and a town council. Nobody in town pays much attention to governance, as the council is careful not to mess with Chaud County's tax structure. One exception is Constable Lafcadio Hearn Gosling's single Front Street traffic light, governed by the constable's thumbs on a control pad. When Cod sees a foreigner (any strange vehicle) he manages to violate it with his signal, thus enriching the town's coffers.
   Delta City people consider Balona folk unsophisticated but shrewd. Several retired barristers live in the town. They are among the less unsophisticated.
   Balona businesses are not very successful, as Balona residents would rather travel to Walmart or The Mall in Delta City than patronize Mr. D.H. Carp's Groceries & Sundries. The chief industry of Balona is King Korndog. Almost everyone consumes korndogs, despite their occasionally odd flavor (that seems to occur shortly after an unloved local or unattached stranger has "disappeared." Residents have yet to connect those dots). The next-most-important industry is King Turkey, known informally as "the turkey factory." Pezmyer's Buick agency flourishes.
   Balona also boasts the tallest water tower in Chaud County, a sewer plant, a city dump, a cemetery, a funeral home reconstructed after having been trashed by a helicopter landing on its roof, and an insurance agent who never loses money for his clients. Several other downtown businesses, victims of a never-detected local arsonist, are either reconstructed or are still vacant lots. A local youth, recent high school grad, has opened a detective agency and, between Criminal Justice classes at Chaud County Community College, shares his father's office space on Front Street. His application for the private eye license is fortunately still under review.
   Among popular spots for Balona women is Kute Kurls & Nails. Everyone reads the Balona Courier, a semi-weekly (Tuesdays and Saturdays). A brand-new institution in town is BalonaDotCom, a cybercafe and library built by heiress Claire Preene, a young woman who inherited most of the commercial real estate in the town.
   Annually delighting townsfolk is the Sugarbeet Festival, an occasion celebrated in the spring, although sugarbeets are harvested in the fall. A newer celebration is the Chocolate Korndog Bakeoff, but that may be short-lived as a result in part of the egregious flatulence problems experienced by consumers.
   Schools. Balona High School is known informally as "Big Baloney;" the junior high as "Little Baloney." Although a new school board member is trying to change things, Balona has been known in recent times to save the taxpayers money by gradually dropping school frills created by liberals, such as drama, journalism, debate, foreign languages, counseling, etc. One program not likely to be dropped is that of the Noble Korndog Band, a long-time institution that everyone loves. The band is often preceded in parades by the Freshman Flag Fems, an organization that includes alumnae, members on patronage.
   (The author keeps track of Balona characters by means of a family tree computer program. Thus far, the data base includes 87 members. The author found the data base necessary when he discovered he was about to marry an otherwise reputable character to the character's own half-niece.)
   Two churches grace the town. One is an Assembly, not much referred to in Balona literature. The other is the BoMFoG Tabernacle, shepherded by Nimitz MacArthur Chaud, hero of the Vietnam War and an all-around good fellow. The Brotherhood of Man, Fatherhood of God Tabernacle is "liberal," in that decent prophets of all religions are celebrated, thus encouraging many holidays. Some young BoMFoG members are agitating for a change in the name of the church, calling it "dumb." A Roman Catholic church was once situated on Front Street, but it was sold to the Fring Family who removed the spire and bell and turned the place into Frings Bowls.
   Ned's Sportsbar is a favorite hangout of Balona residents, as are Veterans Hall and Frings Bowls. Both offer Valley Brew. Frank's Soupe de Jour serves Frank's infamous "soupe" as well as "anything fried," along with korndogs and Franksburgers. Peking Peek-Inn satisfies lovers of Chinese food, and TacoTime Takeout enables a menu for spice lovers.
   Significant Balona families include the Kuhls, the Chauds, the Slys, the Preenes, the Ordways, the Frings, and the Pezmyers. Significant institutions include the Daughters of the Delta and the Delta Doodle Dandies. Many Balona businesspersons belong to the Delta City Solidarity, an organization that enables one to get away from Balona, eat a hearty breakfast, and talk dirty once a week. Women are said to be "worming their way" into Solidarity membership, so the dirty talk will either cease altogether or escalate.
   The new Mayor of Balona (and new partner in King Korndog Inkorporated) is a charming temporary immigrant from England who is either a member of Britain's Secret Intelligence Service or a serial killer. At the moment Mayor Burberry has returned to his homeland to claim a legacy possibly resulting from one of Commander Burberry's occasional fits.
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